updated: 1 one hour ago Posted: 1 one hour ago
Dear Wayne and Wanda,
For years, my drive and focus to build my business have been my priority. I’ve been doing really well for myself and trying to focus more on dating. I’m having trouble finding someone who doesn’t put off my success. Someone honestly asked how much money I’ve earned/have, and said he couldn’t “bear me”. Another commented on international travel photos on my dating profile and said, “We can’t all just go abroad.” He tried to run it as if he thought travel was a waste of money and unnecessary, but it was clearly already unsafe.
In the last incident, I went out with a really nice guy a few times. I thought things were going well. While I was on a solo trip to Europe, I sent him pictures of places I’d gone. He slowly stopped replying to my messages, and when I got home he texted me that his “financial situation” means he can’t spend money on the same things I do, and he never sees how it could ever work out. We haven’t spoken since.
I’ve worked hard for years to get to where I am and now feel like I’m being penalized for my success. I’m a generous person, I’m also sane and resilient, and I can see a million ways to manage the disparity of wealth with a partner when it comes to travel and other things – like paying for it myself, or even traveling alone. I don’t understand why my wealth is a deal breaker. What else can I do here?
It is clear that both your career and your love of travel are very important to you, and you should not marginalize your pride or passion in order to assuage the ego of potential partners who shame you for success. Here’s the thing: when these individuals react badly to your pleasure and fortune, it’s not really about you. It has to do with their own sense – or lack thereof – of self-worth, and they totally do.
Unfortunately, money is deal-breaker and game-changer in many syndicates. When one partner has more resources than the other, this creates inequality and can also lead to a sense of power imbalance and flaws. It can be the basis for a structure where the person pulling the purse strings has an expanded role in decision-making and spending. It is well documented that the main cause of divorce and separation comes when women make more money than men. Insert the eye roller here.
So would it be hard to find the right guy if you made a lot more money than the average Joe? yes. But it’s hard to find the right guy anyway! Dating is tough and so are relationships, so cliched as it may sound, the best thing you can do is keep it going — and stay honest. Express your love for travel and be proud of your work. These things are part of your identity, and when you find Mr. Right, he will love and be proud of these traits.
Goodbye Mean Joe, hello Joe Millionaire?
Time is money, right? So why burn it on dates that don’t appreciate your passion for business success, world travel, and financial independence? Or are they even intimidated by the whole package?
Start investing your dating energy the way you invest in your business, self-care, and travel. Stop looking for rough diamonds and start dating guys like you who are successful, ambitious, independent, hardworking and play hard. You can not find them? Be transparent about everything you are about and what you are looking for in the profiles of the dating site. Better yet, maximize your chances and reduce your business by hiring a matchmaker who specializes in grouping busy and successful singles together.
And to increase your chances, it’s like I said: A proper dream doesn’t have to be a rich man, although that’s a bonus, right? Think of all these talented Alaskan men who live happily more than just a modest living selling their artwork or busting their butts doing seasonal work while stashing savings for that inspiring travel. These are confident, creative, and fun guys who will definitely accept a first-class promotion on your date.
[Is dating really so bad in Alaska? These Anchorage dating coaches say no — but you have to be open-minded.]
[When I’m not working, I’m helping out family. How do I reclaim some personal time for myself?]